kitten's pawprints in slavery

Moving..

2007-09-11T19:57:00.001-05:00

This blog has moved to:

http://pawprintsinslavery.wordpress.com/

Please Update your bookmarks/links! Thank you.

Slut Gear

2007-09-10T19:06:00.000-05:00

Is it just me, or do the words "slut gear" cause "super hero" type music to suddenly invade your head too? I don't know why it does in my head, but it just does. It is kind of like when I say the words, "Uber slave" *dun dun dun!* It's just what pops into my head. Maybe its because when I feel like "Uber slave" I'm usually wearing slut gear... *ponders on this*.

Anyways, Master told me yesterday that He wanted me to wear slutty type clothes. And as it is a fact that I am in fact His slut, that makes sense. (Even if it didn't, what does it matter? It's what Master wanted.) So while He was in the shower I picked out an outfit. Sometimes He has a specific outfit in mind, sometimes He likes to see what I come up with, and every other time, it's a mix of the two. He dictates parts of it and lets me throw the rest of it together. Yesterday, He wanted to see what I would come up with. He did however dictate that He wanted me to wear black eyeliner, not purple. (Those are the only two colors I have for eye liner. I'm very simplistic with my make-up and that's the way Master likes it apparently other wise He would have me buy other colors.) So I do my make-up and then I go digging for clothes.

Now, when I'm trying to pick out "slut gear" I try to think of something that will make Master's heart go just a little bit faster. (Okay so maybe more then a little bit.) But that I can also get away with legally in public. So I put on a mesh top that only has solid fabric over my tits, a jean mini skirt so short that if I bend over even a little bit you can see the bottom of my ass, a thong (I always have to wear a thong if I am wearing that skirt), black mesh thigh highs, 5 inch heels, my anklets that make music when I walk, and last but not least a cute hat. Master said I looked great and I could tell by His eyes that He approved of my choice and wouldn't have changed a thing about it. I love when I can pull that off.

I don't know what it is but I can't help but be incredibly horny when I wear what we call "slut gear". I get wet just picking out the clothes or hearing what clothes Master wants on me. But as I know Master will be reading this, it will come as no surprise. He calls me a nympho, although I am satisfied every time we have sex, I always want it again, and again... well you get the idea. And no, I have not been "diagnosed" as a nympho. It is just what Master calls me.

And if this is what my sex drive is like at 24, I am almost scared to find out what it will be like when I hit my sexual peak.. somewhere around my 30's - 40's. Master thinks I'm going to kill Him. And my only reply to that is, "Only if You let me." *smirk*

First Day

2007-09-10T13:48:00.000-05:00

I had my first day at Pet Smart today. One thing I can say right off the bat is this: The uniforms are much better here then the one I had at Denny's. No apron, and its a nice blue shirt rather then some sickly green. I'm loving it! Everyone there is so friendly, and being surrounded by animals all day is extremely relaxing to me. My managers are much more upbeat and friendly, they give a damn.. not only about their jobs and the customers, but also their employees and the animals they are helping.

I can honestly say that I am proud to be a part of this. Proud to help people find what they need to properly take care of their pets, find homes for pets, and all the charities that Pet Smart is associated with is heart-warming. Seriously. Yes, I know it's only my first day, and yes I know that I was all excited about Denny's when I first started there too, but wow. Talk about one hell of an instantaneous and noticeable difference. This is work I can take pride in.

Thank You Master for allowing Your slave to seek other employment and to quit Denny's. Hell You not only allowed it, You damn near demanded it! And I thank You for that. You always know what is best for Your girl. Your slave. Your wife. Times like this makes my heart swell with love and humility. Thank You.

I Quit!

2007-09-08T21:07:00.000-05:00

Denny's can go fuck itself! Master let me quit my job there today, since we now know for sure about the Pet Smart job, which are both elated about. In fact, after He got home from work, and took His shower, we went to Denny's and had dinner. I then used my 25% off discount one last time, and one of the managers was standing right there while we paid and she asked if I worked tomorrow.

I looked at her and said, "I'm supposed to." And I had this mischievous smile on my face. I know I did.. But I couldn't help it! Honest! So she looked at me and said, "Are you quitting?!" And I simply said, "Yes." She asked if I had planned on just calling tomorrow (I was supposed to work 7am to 3pm) and I said yes. She then handed me a pen and a piece of paper and I wrote a very polite note to the general manager telling her basically that I had a better job offer and I was taking it.

I found it kind of funny. Go in there, use the discount, and then quit as soon as the bill was paid. Cute huh? Now, you may be asking yourself why we eat there if I really hate working there. And the answer is simple. We've been eating there for 2 years before I ever got the job. And we do like the food. And yes, we will continue to be customers there. Its a great place to eat at, but I will never, ever work there again. It's one step above stripping to me. That's how much I hated being a waitress. Hostessing? That was fine. No problems there. But as soon as they found out I was good at serving, no more hostess hours unless someone called in sick the day I was supposed to be serving, and that only happened once. And it actually pissed me off when it did happen. Kind of like, "Oh, okay. Since no one else would do it, now you'll let me." And you know what? They still sent me home early! In fact when business is dead there, the host/hostess is the first one sent home cause they get paid more. Bleh.

So no more working at Denny's for this girl. Pet Smart here I come!

Also, I just wanted to post it here, even though I already said it... Master. Thank You. Thank You for letting me quit, thank You for supporting me through all this, thank You for everything. I love You.

Giddy

2007-09-07T16:52:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm giddy.. so I need to type. Why? So I don't drive Master absolutely bonkers when He gets home. When I'm giddy, I babble. A lot. To the point where I expect that Master is about 3 seconds away from yelling, "For the love of all that is kinky woman shut up!"

I'm giddy because of the new job. I know it sounds dumb.. to get so excited over a job at a pet store... but I have honestly always wanted to work at a pet store. For as long as I can remember. It's just that before now, whenever I was applying at one, they weren't hiring. Fuckers. But, I hope to make a career out of this new job. Work my way up through the corporation. Cashier to assistant manager, to shift manager, to store manager, etc and so on. I really do. I want to climb the corporate ladder and go, "Look! I made it!" I want to retire from Pet Smart one day. And if that sounds like a sad, sorry goal.... go fuck yourself, cause it'll make me happy.

"What do you want to do with your life?" ... "I want to help animals in anyway I can!"

I at one time thought of being a vet. But I can't put animals down. I know that. And some people? Well they want to put an animal to sleep simply because they don't want the pet anymore. Sick, twisted, people in my opinion. And I'd be brought up on murder charges if I was a vet and had one of those people come into my office. So "X" that idea.

Yes, I could volunteer at the humane society too, but the closest one to me is Downtown Milwaukee, and I have a very hard time driving down there with out getting a panic attack. Maybe I still will, once I get more financially stable. Damn gas prices.

Animals... Yay!

2007-09-07T15:22:00.000-05:00

Well, I have a new job. I am going to be a cashier at Pet Smart! I went down there today and filled out the new hire paperwork. (Never had so much before...) Yay! I get to work around animals all day! Happy kitten! I'm supposed to get a call this weekend telling me when to come in to start my orientation/training. (Orientations always suck. More sexual harassment videos. Joy. Those things make me wanna look at my supervisor and say, "I know when I'm being harassed, thank you.")

But, anyways, I'm going to be working at Denny's until I know exactly when I start my training, so I don't have a lull period in money. Plus we could use the extra cash anyways. I can't wait to just go in there and quit though.... *thinks* Maybe Master and I should use my discount card one more time before I do huh? I think that'd be fun.

**Added later** I was just reading the employee handbook they sent me home with and man does this company have good benefits! And I get a 15% discount which will come in extremely handy since we have a dog and three rabbits to take care of. Whoo-hoo!

His Little Girl.....

2007-09-07T13:56:00.001-05:00

As His slave, I sometimes feel like a little girl. Not in a bad way. Not the way I've felt in past relationships where people treat me like I'm an idiot, as if I have the mental capacity of a 1 year old and don't understand anything said to me. Master has always treated me like an intelligent individual who has her own thoughts, ideas, opinions, and creativity. And He has always told me that is how He views me, as not some blank slate to be totally rewritten, but rather an extension of Himself. His other half.

But I stray from my original point. Sometimes, when I accomplish something, I run up to Master and I have this giddy feeling in my stomach, my heart is going a mile a minute, and my brain is buzzing with excitement. I run up and I say, "Master! Look what I did! Look what Your girl did!" And I wait there with baited breath to see if He is proud, if He is impressed, if He is happy with what I have done, with what I have accomplished. And then... the moment comes where He tells me, "kitten I'm so proud of you!" and my world spins at mach 5 and I am elated. Master is proud of me! All is right with the world. Sometimes when I do this... I feel like a 5 yo who comes home from school with a new finger painting that they want displayed on the fridge. Silly mental imagery isn't it?

There are also times where we are out with our friends, or perhaps family, and He starts telling others how proud of me He is. And I feel like I just won a trophy when that happens. Master is praising me in front of others! Whoo-hoo! *does the kitten happy dance* And others will kinda chuckle, when as He is praising me, He caresses my cheek or playfully tussles my hair, or absent-mindedly pets my neck or in between my shoulder blades.

It is not a rare occurrence either. He often does this in front of friends (a couple in particular) and His mother, or my parents. And it thrills me. Not only is He proud, but He has no problem showing or telling others of such things. It's like He's boasting, showing off... and sometimes, especially in front of a married couple that we hang out with, He has this tone in His voice that reminds me of "Neener! Look what I got! And she's Mine! All Mine! *insert evil laugh here*" (And yes... Master has a very evil laugh that makes me shiver but in a "throw me down and fuck me" way.. not an "oh shit I have to hide now" way.) Actually... come to think of it... He has said exactly that.

I remember a couple incidents in particular where He has grabbed me, and said, "She's Mine! All Mine!" and kissed the top of my head. (Is there any wonder as to why I love this man?) And our friends have reacted with laughter and poked fun at me for blushing. Master is the only one who can make me blush these days. And He can do so at the drop of a hat, and I believe He takes great joy in that. Why? Cause He can. What other reason could He possibly need? *smirks*

Words That Describe Master - C

2007-09-05T13:33:00.000-05:00

Words That Describe Master - Letter "C"

Careful
Centered
Ceremonious
Charismatic
Charming (In His own way.)
Clever
Clown (Inside joke.)
Cocky (But He has a reason to be. And it's not all the time.)
Combative
Comforting
Companion
Competitive
Complex (In a good way.)
Compulsive
Confident
Controversial
Cuddly
Cunning
Creative

Words That Describe Master - B

2007-09-04T23:44:00.000-05:00

Words That Describe Master - Letter "B"

Balance (Another inside joke.)
Bald (By choice. He shaves His head.)
Barbarian (And Gods is that sexy.)
Beloved (Mine.)
Blessed (We both are.)
Blunt (He says what He means/thinks, in very blunt terms.)
Bold
Brave
Brawny
Brilliant
Broad (He's like a walking brick wall.)

Words That Describe Master - A

2007-09-04T20:12:00.000-05:00

Well, I was making my last post and thought of a new thing to do that will keep me busy for a while. Words that describe Master! (This could get interesting.) I am going to start with the letter A and move forward. So here..my friends.. is

Words That Describe Master - Letter "A"

Abnormal (In a good way.)
Abrupt (Sometimes.)
Accepting (With in reason.)
Adaptive
Addictive (I'm addicted to Him.)
Adhesive (Private joke.)
Admirable
Adorable (He's gonna hate this one.)
Adventurous
Advisory
Affectionate
Aggressive
Agile
Alive (Obviously.)
Almighty (To me anyways.)
Alpha (As in Alpha male.)
Alluring
Amazing
Amusing
Anchor (He is my anchor.)
Animalist
Anomaly (He truly is one of a kind.)
Armed (Master usually never leaves home with out a weapon on Him.)
Arousing (To me.)
Articulate
Assertive
Asshole (In a good way, a way I love... and that He's proud of.)
Assuring
Attached (To me!)
Attractive
Authoritative
Avid
Aviseful
Aware

Master is so Sweet

2007-09-04T19:30:00.000-05:00

Master is the best person in the world... ever. Period. End of story. (Okay, so I'm a bit biased.. but so what?)

I had to get up at 5am today. Okay so technically I set the alarm for 5:20am but my body woke me up at 5am. Stupid inner body clock being off and me not knowing how to reset it. Anyways, I started work at 6am and spent most of the first 2 1/2 hours of my shift cleaning the damn resturant. Anyways, I got out of work a little after 1pm. I had my car, but because I had to go downtown today, to take a drug test for a job offer at Pet Smart, Master came and picked me up. He pulled right up to the sidewalk. I was very grateful for Him driving. I hate driving in Downtown Milwaukee, and with the heavy construction right now? Well, I get minor panic attacks sometimes when I drive through that area when there is so much construction going on. I'm not really sure why. I do know part of it is because people drive like absolute fucking morons and the interstate is up off the ground right there and I really don't want to drive off of it cause some retard who shouldn't have a license decided to hit me. (Yes, my mind plays evil tricks on me like that.) And its not that I'm a bad driver. I'm actually a really good one according to Master and He is the best driver I know. It's everyone else on the road.

But I am getting off track. He drove me down to the drug test place, and thank the spirits for His driving skills by the way. Then He drove me back to Denny's and we had lunch. I followed Him home and He lets me take a nap! *grins* I had only gotten about four hours of sleep, so I was really tired. He wakes me from my nap and lets me have a soda and a cigarette. Then, I ask what He wants for dinner and He lets me be lazy (cause we are also out of soda) and order Pizza Hut! So two birds killed with one stone, dinner (pizza) and soda.. delivered right to the apartment! Whoo-hoo! More places should have deliver I swear.

So, yeah.. Master rocks hard core. And this post probably makes me sound spoiled as hell, but I am.... kinda. I don't act spoiled. Master is strict but kind. He takes very good care of me and I hope He knows just how much I appreciate Him.

I have seen so many relationships go down the tubes because one or both of the partners started taking each other for granted. They started to expect all the little (and big) things and not say thank you. Not say, "Wow, I really appreciate that. That is so sweet of you." Not me! I say thank You all the time to Him. I tell Him that I appreciate Him. I tell Him that I don't know what I would do with out Him. And you know what? He tells me those things all the time too, and I'm His slave! He says, "Thank you kitten." .. He says, "I don't know what I would do with out My girl." He says, "You know, you've been so good lately, I'm going to give you a full body massage." Or, "Since you've been so good lately you are getting your hair washed by Me tonight."

I think that's why we are still so in love. Or at least one of the reasons.

Fuck

2007-09-02T22:14:00.000-05:00

Fuck Denny's. Fuck Denny's employees. Fuck Denny's managers. Fuck Denny's customers who think they are the only ones in the god damn resturant. Fuck people who don't tip, even though they get great service and nothing is wrong with their food and/or drinks. Fuck people who complain about nothing just to try and get free food. Fuck people who after asking you to bring them something, keep asking for more things the minute you get back to the table when the resturant is busy. "I need some mustard." .. "Here you go." ... "Sorry I forgot, I also need some extra napkins." .. "No problem. Here you go." .. "Oh! I almost forgot, I also need a refill on this drink." .. "Here is your Coke." .. "One more thing, I need a couple of to go boxes." ... "Fuck you."

Fuck serving. Fuck counting on customers for 90% of your wages. Fuck getting paid only $2.33 an hour to not only take care of all your customers, but also take care of the register, bus tables, do side work, roll silverware, clean windows, and all the other bullshit that goes along with it. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Oh and one more thing. Fuck salads, fuck desserts, fuck signature drinks that you have to mix, fuck milk shakes, and fuck day dot stickers!

I feel better now.

Nail Polish

2007-09-02T12:43:00.000-05:00

Odd thing to post about, yes?

But for some reason it was on my mind today. When I was growing up I was a bit of a tom boy. I never even painted my fingernails until I was about 16 years old. And only then, because I was growing out of my tom boy stage.

Master likes it when I wear nail polish. He finds it sexy. He especially enjoys it, when I paint my toe nails. I asked Him why at one point and He basically told me, "It's sexy because it shows a little bit more effort on your part." And I can see why that is. Honestly. The only time my toes are showing is 1) if I am at home, cause I'm always naked or in lingerie, or 2) I'm wearing high heels. Other then that, they are covered my my shoes.

I just feel a little bit sexier if I have nail polish on. Even if it is just clear nail polish. Where I work right now I can't wear colored nail polish. So I put on clear. In fact today I looked at my nails and sighed. I haven't had nail polish on in over a month. Why? I don't know. Laziness perhaps? Which is inexcusable on my behalf. It doesn't take that long to paint my nails.. what? 10 - 15 minutes tops?

So I found my clear nail polish and put it on right before I made this post, and you know what? I already feel a little sexier. I think my nails look healthier. They are shiny and pretty damnit! I honestly do like having colored nail polish on more. But because of work, I can't. Although sometimes, I paint my fingernails clear and my toe nails a pretty color. They can't bitch about my toes if they can't see them. And I remember the last time I did that Master seemed pleased.

One thing I do have to admit is that when I have nail polish on, I all of a sudden become a nail perfectionist. I don't do the ultra girly thing of "Oh my Gods I've chipped a nail!" and freak out. All I do is fix the problem. My nail broke? I cut them all the same length once I have a nail clipper available. My nail polish is chipping? I fix it once I get home. No biggie. But I do know, for a fact, that I can't just leave it once I get home. The minute I have time to sit down, I'm fixing my nails. I tried to one day. Master gave me time to just sit and relax. My nail polish was chipped, and I sat there and read a book, but every time I went to turn the page that damn nail was staring at me. So I fixed to stupid thing. And then enjoyed my book. I'm odd that way. I'm not an extremely girly girl or anything. I'm really not. But I do love to look good.

One of those Days...

2007-09-01T21:28:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had one of those days where you come home, and you're not sure if you're ready to cry, scream, kill someone, or simply shut down? Or maybe all of the above, all at once. I know I have. And you know what? I hate those days, except for one thing. Master. He always knows how to calm me down, make everything sound like its going to be okay, no matter what is going on. He has a way of making me look at things and go, "Yeah, so what. It's not that bad. Fuck it." I like to think I have that same effect on Him.

I'm never sure how He does it though. All it takes most times is a couple simple sentences and *poof* I'm better. It doesn't matter how long I've been feeling that way. It could be an hour, it could be 8. It could be more then that... but He seems to have that ability to just chill me the fuck out. It could be His tone of voice, it could be His no nonsense way of looking at things, it could be that He makes me look at the bigger picture.. or it could be that He somehow reaches into my head and pulls the emergency cord. Who knows. It's probably all of the above, not to mention to hug or kiss or look He gives me. Affection always helps me. Why? Cause I'm a very affectionate person.

Plus, no matter what, He is never to busy to talk to me. If He feels it is important, or that I need to vent, He'll drop everything and just listen to me, or help me sort things out in my head. There have been times where He looks at me (with me not saying a word), shuts off the TV or computer or XBOX 360, or hangs up the phone and says, "What's up kitten? What's wrong with My girl?" And I am so grateful for that. I'm grateful that He can read me so easily. I'm grateful that He cares. I'm grateful that He doesn't bullshit me. I'm grateful that He loves me that much.

New Blog

2007-08-28T19:25:00.000-05:00

I have decided to start a separate blog for my Zippo rantings.

I have added is to my important links section.

Collections

2007-08-27T19:23:00.000-05:00

Master has had various collections through out His life. In the time I have known Him (almost 4 1/2 years) He has had a Godzilla collection, a Hellraiser collection, a Pumpkinhead collection, Batman collections, various comic book collections, Sandman collection, Zoids collection, a cane collection, Alice Cooper collection, and of course.... sharp pointy things (a.k.a. swords axes, and blades). As I am typing this, He has vastly cut down the different things He collects. Which to me is a good thing. This way we can focus on one or two of His collections and spend more money on them instead stead a little bit for this collection.. a little bit for that collection... well you get the idea. He currently has collections of the follow things: Godzilla, blades, canes, and Boba Fett. The Boba Fett one is rather new and He only has six pieces in it right now. But is has totally taken over His computer. He now has a Boba Fett wall paper and a Boba Fett screensaver. I am just glad it isn't as many collections. Don't get me wrong, I've supported Him in any and all collections He has ever had/wanted. But I find it more pleasing to the eye, and more satisfactory, to only have a few collections. It just makes it easier to build the collections up.. not to mention the house looks less "cluttered" and or "spread out". A good example would be our friend's house. They have Star Wars (EVERYWHERE!), Hellraiser, Aliens, dragons, angels, faeries, various Horror figures, various Sci-Fi figures, Doctor Who.. the list goes on.. and on.. and on... their house not only looks cluttered, but it is not pleasing to my eye to see all those things colliding together through out the house. I guess I'm a little OCD-ish that way. I want one collection together... then a little ways away (at the minimum.. preferably a different section of the living room or perhaps even another room of the house) another collection.

Anyways, Master thought I should start collecting something. I haven't had a collection that I really loved since I was about 20 years old. When I was growing up my dad was a major KISS fan. He still is. And because I hung out with my dad and I constantly heard the music, I turned into a major KISS fan as well. I collected KISS memorabilia for a large part of my life. Then... I met Master. He showed me other bands that I loved even more, the band KISS did some things that really pissed me off, and I got rid of my entire collection. Even the cds. All of it.. gone. I either sold it, gave it to my Dad (the pieces I thought he'd really want) or my brother. I collected the McFarlane Dragons series for a while.. but then I started seeing what the new ones looked like and went "Ew!" and got rid of all of those by giving them to our friends I was telling you about earlier in this post, since they collect dragons. So, I'm sitting here trying to think of a collection I could really get into. A collection that I could take pride in, one that has plenty of things to add to it... you know stuff like that. I don't want to collect something that only has 10 or 20 things in it... that's boring. That's to small.

Then I looked up and saw my old Zippo lighter sitting on top of the entertainment center. I couldn't get rid of it once the paint started to chip off. And I didn't want to use it anymore in fear of ruining it. It is a Zippo with a picture of a wolf on it, an animal that holds a lot of spiritual meaning to me. Then I started thinking of how I needed a new Zippo, since I'm sick and tired of using Bics... and then I did what got me started on this. I looked online to see what Zippo I would want.. and guess what... there are LOTS of them I want. So, it dawned on me. Zippos! I'll collect Zippos and Zippo memorabilia! Some of them are inexpensive.. some aren't.. some are limited editions, and others just cry out, "Own me!". So there Master! I have made my decision. And it's something You got me hooked on. I never had a Zippo until You bought me one. And now.. I'm hooked. The Zippos will be taking over! *insert evil kitten laugh here* ... *cough*... Okay I'm better now.

General Update

2007-08-25T14:42:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted in a little while so I thought I would do so now. No news on the new job thing, so I am still at Denny's. My mother-in-law informed my Husband today that for our 1 year wedding anniversary she is taking us on a double date with her and her boyfriend (possible fiance?) to see Jesus Christ Super Star, the musical. Our anniversary will be in March. The play is in April. She also informed Him that she is possibly thinking of getting us tickets to see Sheer Madness, a comedy play, for a combined birthday present. My birthday is in March, His is in June.

Other then that there isn't really anything going on. I'm excited about the musical. Not sure about the comedy though.

New Journal

2007-08-14T14:01:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I informed Master that I was almost done in my current hand written slave journal. I have been keeping a hand written journal since August of 2003. This new one is my 32nd slave journal. I used to keep them in general notebooks, but soon that was getting to expensive. One notebook a month, then after four months buying a binder to keep them all in, so that they would be organized. Master came up with idea of getting actual journals from like Barnes and Noble. This last one (the 31st one) has lasted since March 21st to yesterday. It is much more organized this way and a lot easier... not having to buy a new journal once a month.

This may sound odd, but I always find an odd sort of joy out of getting a new journal to start. Like yesterday, Master took me to Barnes and Noble and He let me pick out a new journal. Once we got home I couldn't wait to take it out of the shrink wrap and put my name on it, and the number in the "slave journal series" on the inside cover. It sounds stupid to most I'm sure, but it's true. It's not quite like starting a new chapter in my life... and at times I think of how I will have to destroy them before I die. They are not something I want my family to stumble upon. And with that knowledge comes a certain sadness. I have put a lot of effort into them. Yes, it's just simply writing down the daily events, my thoughts and feelings. But it is still effort, and a lot of me goes into them. But I suppose everyone feels that way when they keep a journal.

Up and Down

2007-08-13T10:47:00.001-05:00

Well, I called this morning to schedule my job interview. Originally she asked if I could come in today at 1:30pm. I of course, said yes. Once I got off the phone I was all excited and dancing around the living room. I woke up Master long enough to tell Him. Not 15 minutes later, I get a phone call from the place and the human resources lady apologizes to me and explains that she had screwed up the schedule and was wondering if I would be able to switch my interview to Wednesday at 3pm. I said, "Yes, of course."

So upside, I still have the interview. It would have sucked a lot more if she had said, "Sorry. We changed our minds." But it was a bit of a let down after getting all excited. I am still excited about Wednesday though. I hope I get this job. I don't want to do another day at Denny's. I really don't. But I'll do what I have to do.

Bleh..

2007-08-12T16:58:00.000-05:00

Well, I have a four day weekend coming up. It starts tomorrow actually. And I have a feeling I'm going to drive myself nuts after a while. But, in a way, I am looking forward to relaxing.

I have a job interview on Wednesday. I have to call tomorrow to set up the time. Yes, I know I have only been at my current job for a little over two months, but my self delusions of what a great job it is has worn off and I'm realizing how much they are taking advantage of me, and how little hours I am actually getting. Oh yes, the schedule may say I have 37 hours this week, but by the time you take out the half hour breaks, and the hours they send me home early (which is every day), it's not very much at all. Plus, after talking with Master I realized that my pay is to "flexible" since 85% of it depends on what people want to leave as tips. Not to mention the fact that the more servers we have on that day, the less money I make because the less tables I have. And forget about it if that table feels like staying for 2 hours to talk... In fact I had a table in today that was there for 2 1/2 hours just talking and drinking coffee, after their food... they left me $4.00. If they would have left, I could have used that table 3 times over if not more, and made more then $4.00. Oh, and a word of advice. If your service at a resturant is good.. do NOT stiff them! Don't just figure, "Oh there must be a gratuity fee..." or "Well, I'll get them next time." Servers in Wisconsin only make $2.33 an hour and the rest of our money comes from the customers. Oh, and usually, we're not just serving, we're also busing the tables, cashing out checks, and doing our side work.. plus anything else the manager feels like throwing at us. Denny's does not include a gratuity fee. At all. At least not the ones in Milwaukee. And we don't share tips, which is why we don't make minimum wage... *sigh* By the way, yes I am guilty of sitting in a booth at a resturant for a couple hours and just talking and eating... but I never stiff a waitress or waiter. Even if the service isn't that great, I at least leave a couple bucks. I am just frustrated right now, and I feel I did better service then $4 for four people who wanted endless coffee, and kept thinking of new things for me to fetch when they just could have told it all to me at one time. I literally would walk up to the table with what they had asked me for, and suddenly, "Oh! I forgot, I wanted this too..." I was polite, I never once lost my cool, and I was smiling the entire time. Oh... and I had 5 other tables besides them and they had everything they wanted immediately.

Hopefully, the job interview will go well and I will get hired. If I want my dreams of owning a home (anything but a trailer), having a yard, having a motorcycle, building up Sir's blade collection, among other things.. I need more reliable income. If it's a dead day, I'm broke. If its a busy day, I might be broke anyways because we have to many servers on. I have quickly become jaded with the idea of serving, or being a waitress. It only took me two months. Not to bad.

Not Letting "Vanilla Life" Take Over

2007-08-04T15:15:00.000-05:00

Well, I have been working at Denny's for almost 2 months now, and Master is now working full time and is having His name tossed in for a possibly manager position at His job. (does a happy dance)

Not saying this is or will happen, but one thing I don't want to happen, now that we are both working, is for our every day lives to take over, for me to forget my place. I don't want to become the couple that only does kinky things on our days off, and the rest of the week we are like "Yeah.. so today sucked..."

I mean, we still bitch about our days and vent to one another, which I think keeps us both sane at this point in time. A double income is nice (I've never actually lived in a double income household before...). But I don't want to lose sight of what is most important, being His devoted slave/wife. I mean don't get me wrong, I am excited that we are catching up on bills, and will soon have some spare money to start getting things we want and/or need. (Such as new furniture, new clothes, collectibles and blades.. etc and so on.) But I find myself trying harder to show Him my being docile. In fact, I find myself being more docile the minute I get home, then I usually was before we were both working. Not to say I was a bad slave before, trust me I would have known... but it is almost an immediate effect. Walk in the door....*boom*.... sub space.

Just yesterday Master got home from work, I had been home for about an hour, and I knelt on the living room floor, a fresh soda in front of me (for Him), three Tylenol, and one Drixoral in my hand and simply waited. I knelt that way for a good 15 minutes before He got home, but the longer I waited the deeper into my sub space I went, the more I felt the butterflies in my stomach that soon.. oh so very soon ... my Master, my Husband would be home and I would be able to serve Him and please Him. Not only that, but before I had taken to my knees I had made sure all the garbage was out, that we had soda in the fridge, that the dog was taken care of, that the rabbits had everything they needed, and I cleaned the kitchen sink. I didn't want Him to have to do anything but take His shower and relax once He walked in the door. I had gotten then mail and sorted through it so He wouldn't have to deal with any junk mail. And it has been like this since He started His job.

Like I said, I don't want anyone thinking that I was slacking before hand... I don't feel I was and Master has not brought such to my attention, but now it's like... uber-slave! "Yes, it's uber-slave. She can work 8 hours on her feet all day while dealing with bitchy customers, then come home and conquer the wilderness that is the apartment and be fresh and ready for her Master and take care of everything He could need or desire. For she is uber-slave!" *play cheesy super hero music here*

Yes, I am still tired when I get home from work, yes I am still sore as hell.... however I think I would be depressed and very angry with myself if I let that "over ride". At the end of the night I start to drag a little (okay so I'm tired as hell and my shoulders hurt..) but... Master's needs and wants are taken care of, He is more relaxed then when He first got home, and He seems pleased with me. What more could a slave ask for?

Time Does Not Make The Heart Fade

2007-08-02T12:45:00.000-05:00

I have heard some people say that because they have been together for "X" amount of years, that they sometimes look forward to having extended periods of time to themselves. But I have been with Master for nearly 4 1/2 years now, and I still miss Him just as much, if not more, as I did when we first started dating. Now, granted, we have not had an extended period of time apart for quite some time now. But when I am at work, I miss Him. If He is at work and I am at home, I miss Him. This may sound sappy, or even clingy. But I'm honestly not a clingy person. I just simply miss my Master/Husband.

Haircut Picture

2007-07-29T18:06:00.000-05:00

Well, Master took pictures of me with my short hair... so I thought I would post one here. It is really weird having short hair but so far I love it and everyone tells me my hair looks healthier and all that...

I'm Back

2007-07-26T16:52:00.000-05:00

I'm back! We were without internet for about 4 days. But yesterday, we switched services to Time Warner. As a result, we also decided to do some rearranging. So since my computer is down, it is now kept in the closet. My old computer desk is now in the rabbit room and is holding random odds and ends, and Master's computer and desk is now in the living room. I really really like this arrangement better. Now I can be online and still be able to talk to Master while He reads, or plays on the X Box 360, etc. It also makes it easier to look up Game FAQs for Him and not have to write it all down (the printer is down too..) or yell from the back room, or run back and forth. Yay! Easier Game FAQs! (Yes, I'm a nerdy slave.. what's it to you?)

Also, for the first time in my 24 years, I have short hair! *gasp* I have had long hair since I was 4 years old. But since becoming a waitress, I have had to keep my hair back in a ponytail, which was giving me very bad headaches after 8 hours (sometimes less). I discussed such with Master and He suggested I cut it short. He was curious to see what it would look like. So the next day, I did so. It was down to the middle of my back and now it is about mid-neck length. I love it! And Master does too! I was nervous about such, because He has always told me He prefers long hair. But just today He tells me that He now prefers me with the short hair. Not that I can talk. When I first met Him, He had long hair, longer then mine was. But once He shaved His head bald... I prefer Him bald! I'll post a pic once we have them uploaded.

Update On Life In General...

2007-07-20T11:24:00.000-05:00

Well, my job is still going well. Yesterday Master found out that He now has a job at the local Pick N Save. Which is wonderful! I knew He would get it. I was so happy I jumped and danced around the living room after He got off the phone. He gave me a big hug and a kiss and I couldn't help but say "Congrats!" about ten or eleven times through out the day.

I am very proud of Him. I'm sure just as proud as He was when I got my job. So things are looking up!

Also, next Wednesday I get to sit around the apartment waiting for the new phone service tech to get here to install our internet and phone service. We have both right now but with the company we are switching to we are going to be saving at least $20/month. That may not sound like much but it adds up. $20/month times 12 months = $240/year. But anyways, because you know how service techs are... the person will be here between 7:30am and 10:30am. Why they need that much leeway time I have no idea... it's not like you can make an appointment that way. "Yes, doctor. I would like to make an appointment. Oh say I'll be there between 7 and 10? Sound good?"

But I'm happy we are switching services. Our phone company has been charging us for things we told them to take off our plan and our internet has been slowing down slowly but surely for the past year.

As of tomorrow Master and I will have been married for 4 months. Which means we will have been together for 4 years and 4 months. Four is a very sacred number to us, due to our faith. So, even though I have to work, it will hold a special meaning to me. I know 4 months isn't an actual anniversary by "usual" standards, but every single one means something to me. The big ones of course mean more, but every day with Him is special to me. A lot of people said we'd never make it. Partially because of our age difference of 8 years. But here we are, married and happily so.

Master I love You. I don't know what I'd do with out You. You have supported me more then any mortal man could be asked to. You have always been there for me. You have always protected me, even when I thought I didn't need it. We have both made mistakes and we have both apologized for them and never repeated them. I am grateful for You, for our marriage, and for the love that we share.

My Work

2007-07-15T22:38:00.000-05:00

I am a server at a local Denny's resturant. I have been there for a little over a month now and honestly, I love my job. I never was a waitress before, not even when I was a teenager. To be honest, I always promised myself I'd never be a waitress because my mom was one for many years and I've heard a lot of horror stories. But I needed a job, a real job. And so I applied at Denny's.

And I'm loving it! Honestly, that shocked the hell out of me. We have a married couple that we hang out with and the wife is working as a waitress until school starts back up again. She is going to be a nurse. She thought I was crazy when I told her I love my job and I'm actually thinking of sticking with it and just doing the web design on the side, out of my home. She said there is more money to be made in the web design business. I told her that it all depended on where you live, and here... eh .. not so much. Plus it is all salary based pay which means working my ass off for one flat fee, which honestly, the concept has never sat that well with me... salary based jobs I mean. They can work you as hard as they want and only pay you "X" amount.

I talked to Master about this and He is fully supporting the decision. Plus talk about job security. We could move anywhere in the world and I could get a job as a waitress! Anywhere! There is always restaurants looking for experienced wait staff.

Also, I'm good at my job. Not only has Master said so (I've waited on Him a few times when I have asked Him to come into work and have lunch, just so I could see Him..) but the general manager of the store was surprised that I didn't have any experience, seeing as I get so many compliments from customers and everyone there says I am doing very well.

It also helps that 90% of the people who work there knew Master and I from us coming in to eat. Hell we stopped there on our wedding day, before we went to the court house, and we stopped there the day we got back from our honeymoon.

I know not a lot of people would want to make waitressing their live long career. And yes it is a "blue collar" job, but I am a blue collar person, and I love that about myself.

Looking Around Me....

2007-07-09T23:02:00.000-05:00

Master and I have been dealing quite a bit with our friends, and their um... problems to put it lightly. On a good note, one of our friends has been sober for almost two weeks now. Its not that long but it is a wonderful start that we are thankful for.

However, some of our friends are making me remember just how lucky I truly am. Not that I really need the reminder, honestly. I try not to take my Master/Husband for granted. I always have this sense of elation flood over me when I think of Him, but sometimes... certain situations can remind you that "Hey! I am one of the few that are truly blessed! Thank the spirits!"

On the one hand there is our single friends who remind me that I am sssoooo glad I don't have to deal with the dating scene bullshit. And then.. there is the married couple that is honestly the only couple we hang out with. They haven't been married that long really. A couple of years. But they have been together for about 6 or 7 years. Some where around there. But every time we go over there, the husband drags Master upstairs so he can bitch about his wife, and then his wife bitches to me about her husband. Then after about an hour and a half of that we all hang out but there is tension in the room. You could cut it with the boot knife Master keeps on Him. I swear. Their affection towards one another, when it does happen, seems almost like its forced.. or a show put on because we're there. It is uncomfortable. On one hand I wish there was something I could do... but on the other hand.. I don't see why Master and I should play marriage counselors to them if they aren't taking our advice and/or not put forth any effort into their own marriage.

Anyways.. every time we go over there, once we get into the car Master and I both look at one another and go "Thank the spirits I have you!" It's just one of those things you know? Yes, we've only been married for three months, but we have been together for over four years now... living together for two. And we've gone through a lot of bullshit to get where we are today, and we are always talking, always putting effort into our relationship, something, it seems, a lot of people just simply don't do anymore.

One thing my grandmother told me before she passed away, which at the time I thought was a bit odd since I was only nine years old at the time. (She passed away shortly there after..) She said, "Hun, you're to young to understand this right now. But one day you will. When you have a husband of your own, and one day you will, never go to bed angry. It'll save you a lot of pain." And I have remembered through all these years.. and I put it into practice, as does Master. And it works! It really does. We may end up staying up for three hours talking, but I would rather talk then sleep if something is up. I really would. Work or not. My relationship with Master is the most important thing. I can always catch up on sleep. I can't take hurtful words or actions. And neither can Master. So which sounds more productive? Yep. Talking.

Lyrics

2007-07-02T21:55:00.000-05:00

I don't know why but I felt like posting the lyrics to "our song". This is a song Master sent me to tell me that He loved me. It has been our song ever since.

"Hold Onto My Heart"
by W.A.S.P
Albums: "Crimson Idol" & "First Blood...Last Cuts"

There's a flame, flame in my heart
And there's no rain, can put it out
And there's a flame, it's burning in my heart
And there's no rain, ooh can put it out
So just hold me, hold me, hold me

Take away the pain, inside my soul
And I'm afraid, so all alone
Take away the pain, that's burning in my soul
Cause I'm afraid that I'll be all alone
So just hold me, hold me, hold me

Hold on to my heart, to my heart, to me
Hold on to my heart, to my heart, to me
And oh no, don't let me go cause all I am
You hold in your hands, and hold me
And I'll make it through the night
And I'll be alright, hold on, hold on to my heart

Quotes I Love Week 3

2007-07-02T14:24:00.000-05:00

"Humor is reason gone mad." ~ Groucho Marx
"I am not bound for any public place, but for ground of my own where I have planted vines and orchard trees, and in the heat of the day climbed up into the healing shadow of the woods." ~ Wendell Berry
"It is not the light that we need, but fire; it is not the gentle shower, but thunder. We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake." ~ Frederick Douglass
"I am accustomed to sleep and in my dreams to imagine the same thing that lunatics imagine when awake." ~ Rene Descartes
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and what enables you to laugh at life's realities." ~ Theodor Geisel

Havn't Posted In a While...

2007-06-28T16:34:00.000-05:00

...and here's why! It has been crazy lately. I am still getting used to my work schedule. I was/still am such a night owl and my shifts have been starting anywhere from 7am to 9am. My sinuses have been kicking up because of the season change. (Whenever it goes from Spring to Summer or Summer to Fall my sinuses kick my tail!) On top of work I've been trying to get things done around the apartment and be readily available to Master as much as possible. (Thank the spirits I have such a loving Master and Husband.) So yeah... the Friday Five and Quotes of the Week are going to be put on the back burner for now...

Well.. there ya go. I'm still breathing!

Trust

2007-06-11T10:45:00.000-05:00

Master and I were at a friend's house last night. And at the moment the couple that we were visiting is having some problems. And Master went upstairs and talked to the guy, and I sat outside and talked to the girl.

While we were there I had an entire conversation with myself, in my head and some things that I was thinking amazed me.

You know, people talk about trust constantly. How important it is in any relationship, M/s, D/s, vanilla, any relationship. And that got me thinking how much trust is really involved.

Here are just some of the things I trust Master with:

Not to cheat on me.
Not to lie to me.
Not to take advantage of my trust in Him.
Not to harm me (mentally, emotionally or physically).
Not to keep things from me.
Not to tell me things just because He thinks thats what I want to hear.
To never leave me.
To be honest about His emotions and to tell me about them.
To keep His promises to the best of His ability.

The list of course goes on... and on... and on... but I mean.. that's a lot of trust/faith to put into anyone. Regardless of how you know them, and what your relationship with them is. But.... I do so willfully. I trust Master with my life. With my love. I have for four and a half years (almost that long anyways). Now, no relationship is storybook perfect. But ours is close enough. I look at the relationships around us.. and I am thankful for how open, honest, loving and caring ours is. I am grateful for such and I have not (and hopefully never will) take that for granted.

I Would Like To Retract My Previous Statement

2007-06-07T14:33:00.000-05:00

You know what I said about the hostess training? Well fuck that! Server training is a lot more annoying and frustrating.

Learn the menu, know what everything comes with, know all your side duties, stay out of people's way, bus tables.. etc and fucking so on. Oh.. and just to make it a little nicer, no tips! Why? Because I'm in training and even though I am helping to serve and take the orders.. no tips. The trainer keeps them. Not even a split! Ugh! I have to do this again tomorrow, so let's hope that is my last day of server training. I work Saturday and Sunday as a regular hostess (passed my training on that). Then I have Monday and Tuesday off... Then on Wednesday I'm not sure what I'm doing because the manager just told me when to show up. She didn't tell me if I would be a hostess or a server. Or if I would be done with my server training. Ugh!

Bleh.

Two Days In...

2007-06-06T14:53:00.000-05:00

Well, today I finished my hostess training at work. It is not as difficult as I thought I would be, although during the slow periods I worry about not looking busy enough.. doesn't help that the manager is sitting right there eating... But that's what I do with a new job. I worry.

I worry about the following:

If I am learning everything I should.
If I am doing everything the way I should be.
If I am retaining the knowledge.
If I am doing enough.
If I should be helping out more.
If the manager is going to think I am doing a good job. (Always have the jitters about that when first starting out.)
If a "guest" is going to piss me off and because I'm new to the job I'm going to forget where I am and start cussing the bastard/bitch out. (Such an innocent lil girl aren't I?)
The list goes on.. and on.. and on.. like that damn pink rabbit with a drum. (Noisy fucker..)

It also doesn't help that I have never handled a cash register before, and the resturant has a policy that if your drawer is short once you get written up. If your drawer is short twice, you're fired. Simple as that. Now that isn't to say that if I'm a few cents off I'm fucked... but still.. it doesn't help.

So tomorrow I start my server training. Joy! I've never done that before either! Whoo-hoo! Oh! And I don't have a day off till Monday. Yay again! Good thing I need money in this world to get anywhere. (What happened to the barter system anyways?)

Quotes I Love - Week 2

2007-06-05T20:21:00.000-05:00

This week's 5 quotes:

"One man's shrine is another man's cemetery." ~ Lame Deer (John Fire)
"It does not require many words to speak the truth." ~ Chief Joesph
"What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset." ~ Crowfoot (a Blackfoot warrior)
"When you were born, your cried and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice." ~ White Elk
"I do not think the measure of a civilization is how tall it's buildings of concrete are. But rather how well its people have learned to relate to their environment and fellow man." ~ Sun Bear

Yes, they are all Native American quotes. I am actually part Blackfoot. How much? Honestly I am uncertain as all my family records where lost in a fire before my mother was even 18 years old (and since that part of me is from my mother's side...). But never the less, it is a part of my ancestry that I am proud of.

Contributing Financially To His Household

2007-06-04T15:03:00.000-05:00

There is a large part of me that wishes I could do nothing but a stay-at-home slave. You know, clean and take care of the apartment, take care of our animals, be always ready for His every need/want/desire.

But with the fact that everything is so expensive at the moment, and the fact that we want to own a house within the next five years, it is better for me to work.

For the past two years, I have mainly been a college student and focusing on my studies and Master has been extremely supportive of such. More so, then I think anyone should expect from someone who walks upright on two legs. (And for that I am eternally grateful to Him.)

But today, immediately after completing my 2nd job interview for Denny's, I was hired! The manager asked if I could start job orientation right then and there, and I of course said yes. I called home and left Master a message to let Him know that I was starting orientation and that it would take about four hours.

The job orientation that was already underway was actually stopped so I could join. I sat through the last two hours of it, and then the trainer let the other new employee leave and went over the first half with me. Thankfully I got out a little early since I was quick to fill out all the paper work and had my two forms of ID on me. The orientation itself was rather boring. It was mainly about what the different kinds of harassments were, what to do if it happens to you, and what can be done to you if you should commit one of them. They had two different tapes telling you how to properly wash your hands and when, etc and so on.

I have been hired as both a hostess and as a server. Honestly, I'm 24 and have never been a server before in my life. The closest thing I've had to that is being a cocktail waitress a couple of times at the bar Master worked at.

Just as I was leaving, it started to down pour. For the past three days the weather reports have said storms and we haven't seen anything. Now today we're getting hit with it all at once. So I had to drive slow on the way home, although all I wanted to do was get home as fast as I could to be excited about my new job with Master and tell Him everything that happened. The minute I got home Master said "Congrats kitten!" He gave me big hugs, smacked me on the ass and told me how proud of me He is. *glows*

He is such a supportive Master and Husband. I am truly one of the lucky ones and I hope it shows in my actions and in my words to Him. I hope He knows how much I appreciate His being supportive and His love and affection.

Bad, Horrible, Computer!

2007-05-31T11:10:00.000-05:00

Well, my computer is acting up really bad. It started two nights ago. So, I called our computer guru friend and he said he can fix it but not until Saturday. And if I want it done I have to be there by 9 a.m... oh and it'll take 4 -5 hours and yes I have to stay there while he works on it. Why? Because our friend likes to talk and Master and him have been friends for about 8 years.

Enough about my friend... on to sing the praised of my Master. I told Him about my computer, and He said He would go with me to our friend's while my computer gets fixed. Which I truly appreciate. Also, since Master knows I have a slight computer addiction (part of wanting to code websites for a living I suppose) He is allowing me to use His computer to check my e-mails, the slave boards and to post in my blog and read other people's. I think this is very sweet of Him since He could tell me to simply check my e-mails and log off, or hell.. He could tell me I can't go on the computer at all until mine is fixed.. But He doesn't. It's just like before, I have to ask permission to go on the internet. Although since Master's computer is in the spare bedroom, with our rabbits, I don't like to stay on to long because Master is not back here with me. See, my computer is in the living room, where His X-Box 360 is. And we spend most of our time in the living room when we're home.

Anyways, thank You Master! I love You!

On another note, I had a job interview yesterday for a server/hostess job at Denny's! I've honestly never been a server or a hostess before. Hell, I've never worked in a restaurant before. But I have worked with customers. So here's hoping!

Quotes I Love - Week 1

2007-05-29T14:47:00.000-05:00

I was thinking that I should start a new addition to my blog. A quotes section! I was thinking that perhaps I could include 5 quotes per week and see what I come up with. They don't necessarily have to be of a certain subject, they are just quotes that touch me in some way, shape or form. Hopefully this will be a new section that is of some interest.

So without further ado here is this week's 5 quotes.

"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality." ~ Edgar Allen Poe
"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within." ~ James A. Baldwin
"Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit." ~ Elbert Hubbard
"Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without." ~ James C. Dobson
"Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young." ~ Dorothy Canfield Fisher

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

2007-05-28T13:51:00.001-05:00

This is a saying that has been ingrained into me since I first met Master, a little over four years ago. Actions speak louder then words.

There is of course the other side of the coin, where some people believe that words speak louder then actions. And yes, some words can mean so very, very much. But here is my thought process on it.

Hearing the words "I love you." from Master is always enough to make my heart melt. But those words wouldn't mean anything if His actions did not "reinforce" that. If He were to say "I love you." and then ignore me for the rest of the day and interact with me only when He wanted sex, I wouldn't feel very loved which would mean that His words would ring false in my ears, in my mind, and in my heart.

If someone says they are sorry, yes that can mean a lot, but if they then do the same thing they just apologized for, that apology would then become empty. It would be hollow and meaningless.

Saying "I will do 'X'" can also mean a lot. Or "I will quit doing 'X'". But if that promise or pledge is not upheld by that person's actions, then what was the point of hearing it or having said it?

If Master is upset with me, or angry in general, sometimes His words cut through me. But His actions are what can hurt or heal me more then words.

It is not that I don't believe words hold weight. I know for a fact they do. They can and do effect me very deeply. But words only mean something if the actions match up.

Here is a recent example. Master held me to Him the other day and said, "You are the best thing that has ever happened in my life." That meant the world to me. Why? Well, if He had been sitting across the room, staring at the TV and refused to make eye contact. That sentence wouldn't have meant shit to me. But because He held me to Him, kissed the top of my head, and nuzzled my hair and squeezed me tightly, and before letting me go just held me there and looked at me, it meant the world to me. The actions reinforced the words and there for, it make this slave the happiest creature on the face of this planet.

Possibly Unhealthy Intrests

2007-05-28T00:07:00.000-05:00

This may be more info then some people want to know about me... but it is actually an interest of mine. I have had an interest in real life serial killers since I was a pre-teen. Odd fascination for a girl yes? But then again this is the same girl that used to want to be a mortician, until she met her Master anyhow. Now, some people may think this would make her a "goth" or "emo". But it doesn't. Honestly, some of the fascination with the serial killers is that fact that I have always lived in Wisconsin, and Wisconsin likes to crank out a serial killer about once a generation. The rest of it is the psychology aspect. What makes their mind work the way it does? Why do they have this specific "M.O." ? (By the way, "M.O." = Modus operandi - which is Latin for "mode of operation" or as we would call it, a method.) It just interests me.

The mortician thing? Well that was mainly because I found the human body and the different effects/causes of certain deaths to be quite interesting. But I stray from my original point.

Some people would think that it is odd to find serial killers fascinating. But my question is why? It is not like I'm standing out on the corner going "Hey.. yeah you... would you kill someone? Oh, and then kill someone else in a similar fashion and keep doing that till you get caught or are forgotten. Why? Well you see I'm bored and need something to research." No. It is simply an interest. And the really cool part of it is... my Husband/Master shares this interest! Amazing isn't it? Then again He was born and raised in Wisconsin too. That may have something to do with it. But unlike me, He actually got out of this state a few times, and lived in other ones.

Not me. Nope. Been here minus a couple of vacations, my entire 24 years on this planet. Boring huh?

Again straying from my original point. That happens easily sometimes. Wisconsin is chuck full of serial killers... all different kinds too! (Although we do seem to have a thing for creating cannibalists like Jeffrey Dahmer and Ed Gein.)

Sick Slave

2007-05-24T21:25:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted much lately and I know that. But honestly, I haven't been writing in my personal off-line journal much either. I have been sick since Saturday, and still am. Master took me to the E.R. on Monday and they gave me some medication, but other then that it is going to have to run its course. It sucks, I don't get sick very often at all, but when I do, I don't fuck around. It's a trade off I suppose.

But the biggest thing that sucks about not feeling well now a days? I can't serve Master the way I usually do. Master always, always, always takes good care of me and He gets very stern with me if I ask if I can do something for Him. He tells me to rest. It's just that when I'm sick, I feel so useless. Like I'm being a bad slave. Although I know if I tried to push myself I would indeed be a bad slave and would be punished for it. And so I have to wait for my body to work this out and get 100% again. Slowly but surely I'm getting there. Stupid body not wanting to magically heal over night! *sigh* Master is just now letting me do small things for Him though, like getting Him a soda, or putting something in the microwave for Him and bringing it to Him. That, at least, brings a smile to my face and is a bit of normalcy.

At least I'm not as tired anymore. For a couple of days I was taking four hour naps, staying up for about three hours and then going back to bed. I'm still a little sleepy every now and again but I'm not wanting to crash out. Another thing that really sucks is when you're sick, and you don't want to eat, but you are hypoglycemic so you HAVE to eat or you could get in some serious medical trouble! Master has, of course, also been keeping an eye on that. "Honey, eat. Yes I know you don't want to. But eat something."

Although, admittedly I'm sick of lemon-lime soda and crackers. Ugh.

Thankfully school is over until this Fall. I got one A and two C's. I'm not to proud of the C's, but one was in Math class (which I have never been good at) and the other was for Multiple Platform Programming, which also wasn't making much sense to me. But hey, at least I passed and my GPA is still a 3.2 and my core GPA is still a 3.5. So that's a bonus.

One Grade Down

2007-05-19T23:59:00.000-05:00

Well, today I learned that I got an A in my Databases on the Web class! Whoo-hoo! Only two more grades to find out! This is the only thing I hate about a semester ending. I sit on pins and needles waiting for my teachers to get off their butts and post my grades online! Yes, I know that sounds a bit selfish doesn't it? Like I'm the only student any of these teachers have? But I'm sure any current or former college student can tell you it's not fun!

Not to much longer and I will have my Associates Degree in Web Development.

Been Busy

2007-05-19T15:36:00.000-05:00

I haven't been writing here lately. And maybe some people have noticed. I know Master has. But, I have had to go back to dancing until I find a regular job. Not to mention this week has been finals week for school. And of course, if that's not enough stress, my schedule for dancing has been up and down. Day. Night. Night. Day.

So when I get home, I'm mentally exhausted. And my body is sore, if not down right screaming at me. Master has been taking really good care of me and has been endlessly understanding. And gods do I appreciate it. He has been giving me back and leg rubs, making dinner, letting me do my journal entry (the one I keep only for Him) a day late. Things like that.

But honestly, it has been conflicting with my slave needs in a way. I know we need the money, and I understand that. But I feel like a bad girl if I am so tired that I can't get my eyes to focus on the journal pages. I feel like a bad girl if my arms and legs are to sore for me to rub His back. I have, of course, told Him all of this, and He just looks at me and says "It's what I tell you to do. So, in fact you're being a good girl." Which is true. He does tell me to let my journal entry wait, He does tell me to get some extra sleep, He does tell me not to rub His back.

I just can't wait until I have a normal job, with regular hours.

Happy Mother's Day

2007-05-12T22:45:00.000-05:00

Chinese Made Simple

2007-05-12T16:06:00.000-05:00

I found this on a website that has funny pictures posted. I found it hilarious. (To read what it says, simply tilt your head to the right.)

How the Job Interview Went

2007-05-02T22:51:00.000-05:00

Yeah I know. People are probably sick to death of reading about my job interview (that is if anyone is reading...). However, it is what's going on right now. So here we go...

I got to T-Mobile early. The manager sat me down and went through three pages worth of questions and each time he finished a question I immediately had an answer that 1) not only was relevant, but 2) had me sounding like I knew what the fuck I was talking about! Hooray! The manager was very nice and was willing to answer any questions I had. Of course, the only question I did have was "How much does the job pay?" He laughed and said, "Ah the most important part of the job! And I almost forgot!" It turns out to be a rather nicely paying job, especially for only a part time position.

Then he continued and warned me that he had other interviews to do this week, and that I would have to go through a 2nd interview with the regional manager if she decided to meet with me. That made me a little wary, because of how he worded it, but then he made sure to know what I like to be called. So I gave him my nickname, or basically the short version of my first name. He said he would be faxing it to the regional manager right away. I hope I get this job and I hope they hire me soon!

UGH! Stress........

Thank You Master for burning sage while I was at the job interview! I hope it worked!

Job Interview Tomorrow

2007-05-01T21:46:00.000-05:00

Well, tomorrow is my job interview with T-Mobile. I'm nervous, but confident. Odd mix of feelings, huh? But I always get really nervous right before a job interview, or something really big that is coming up. I get nervous to the point where I triple check that I have everything in place, pacing the room, over analyzing my looks, and getting butterflies in my stomach.

However, as soon as I get into the building or room that I am supposed to be in, I am as calm as a still pond. I am confident, articulate, and friendly. I have no doubts. It is almost as if I had been there a thousand times before and nothing could shake me.

I always hate feeling nervous. And I have never understood why I am so nervous before hand but then as solid as a rock once I'm there. It's slightly aggravating because the nervousness before hand almost makes the situation seem anti-climatic later.

Here's hoping. I'm going to meditate tonight and ask for the spirits to help me with this. I need this job. I can do this job. The company would be lucky to have me! Yeah! That's the spirit..... now let's just hope they realize it.

New Job Prospect

2007-04-30T15:59:00.000-05:00

Well, I have a job interview this Wednesday for T-Mobile, which is a cell phone company. It is at the local mall, so I know that the holidays are going to suck, but I've dealt with that kind of pressure/rush before and handled it quite well.

I really hope I get this job. They called me about two weeks ago, but due to the manager for the store going on vacation the day after he contacted me, it has been a little hectic trying to get me in there for this interview. But they called me today and scheduled it, and oddly enough the manager apologized to me for it taking so long to get in there.

Now I fully admit that I had been calling about once every few days to see what was going on, but thankfully that seems to just have shown them I am determined, rather then my fear of them seeing me as to pushy. But hey, in a sales position pushy can sometimes be a good thing right? Well, as far as the company looks at it anyways.

Wish me luck!

My New Favorite Saying.. And Some Other Thoughts

2007-04-28T23:19:00.000-05:00

Some people may have noticed that I have added more text to my layout, and that text has also become my signature line on TSR. The text I am referring to of course is, "I have found my other half, and submitted to Him completely, so that He may be whole."

I came up with that myself. I did not read it anywhere, nor did I hear anyone else say it. But it is something I truly believe. I believe my Master to be my mate. My One and Only. And over the course of four years, that has been reaffirmed time and time again. Also, through many talks, I actually believe that my submitting to Him has completed Him in some way. He is my other half, as I am His.

Through our talks together we have both agreed that there was always something missing in our past relationships and it wasn't until we met one another that we realized what that was. I needed a strong man, who could take control, who I could give myself completely to. And He needed a woman who would show Him the respect He deserves and give all of them self to Him. And so in my submitting to Him, I have completed Him in some way and He is free to be Himself. Just as I am now free to be myself by submitting to Him.

One thing I did read on a blog, was the following: "Nothing like doing slave duties to clear one's mind." I couldn't have put it any better myself if I tried. When I am feeling frustrated, or I am confused, or I am overwhelmed by situations around us, the minute He has me do something I feel clear headed, like I have a purpose. And that purpose is Him. All I have to do is focus on Him and everything is right in my world. Everything. It may sometimes be a short lived reprieve from the stresses of daily life, but after that I feel refreshed and centered and can deal with anything life throws at me. All because of Him. The reason I say it is sometimes short lived is because life can only be put on hold for so long. I still have homework, we still have bills to pay, we have animals to take care of, and family and friends that need our attention.

On a good note, Master has a job interview on Monday and I have a few companies that are interested in setting up a job interview with me. So hopefully, soon, we will both have full time jobs.

His Voice

2007-04-27T10:51:00.000-05:00

Master's voice, no matter the tone, always has a deep effect on me. It can be how I focus myself sometimes and other times, when He is displeased, it can be what throws me deep into my sub space, making me extremely docile.

As an example there was one day not to long ago, when I was driving to school and the roads were pretty bad because of snow. And of course, even though it is a major highway, they hadn't plowed it yet (because that would make sense). I was following about three or four cars down the road and suddenly, the one directly in front of me decided to slam on their brakes. Apparently they thought that they wanted to turn. I slammed on mine, and my car started to slide. Thankfully I didn't spin out of control, but I did end up with my car sideways in the street. I got the car to a full stop and got her to the side of the road with out getting hit. Of course the car that I had slammed my brakes to miss, decided it no longer wanted to turn and continued on it's merry way.

After my car was pulled to the side of the road, I felt my heart racing and I was shaking a little bit. So, I called Master. He answered and the first words out of my mouth were "I'm okay but.." and then proceeded to tell Him what had happened. He talked to me in a calm, soothing voice and told me to take a few deep breathes and then continue on my way to school. The breathing helped, but honestly, the minute I started talking to Him I felt safe and centered.

I know it was a minor thing, because I was fine and I didn't hit anyone or anything, but I still felt like I needed to hear His voice. I am thankful that He has never responded to this need of mine like "You're calling Me for this?!" He has always been very understanding and known just what to say.

Other times, when He is upset with me, and He gets a certain tone in His voice, I will become very docile and it shows almost immediately in my body language and in my tone of voice.

Sometimes all I want to do is lay there, cuddled up to Him, with my head on His chest and listen to Him talk. I love His voice. In fact, to be honest, sometimes when we are just sitting at home I'll strike up a conversation that isn't really all that important, just to hear His voice. I don't want to say it is hypnotizing to me, but in a way it kind of is.

Job Interview - Disaster

2007-04-26T16:35:00.000-05:00

Well, I called the company that I have been in contact with. I had two interviews with them and I thought I had a really good chance at this one. But, they told me that they were going with someone that has more customer experience.

I'm 24 and I've been doing customer service related jobs since before I graduated high school! Ugh! All that time and gas wasted, and with gas prices how they are.... *sigh*

I feel like I should have tried harder. But how much more interest can you show in a job when you get so lost due to the directions you got off the internet, that you end up a half hour out of your way, you call them and get proper directions, and still show up! And then apologize profusely, when you arrive. Then for the 2nd job interview, you show up 10 minutes early.

I feel horrible. Master told me that I did my best and not to be hard on myself. I still feel like I've let Him down.

I've put in 10 more applications today at different companies. So here's hoping that soon, I'll be employed.

"Common" Slave Names

2007-04-25T15:44:00.000-05:00

I have noticed on TSR, and some other sites on the internet, that "kitten" is a rather common slave name. Now some slaves, that I have talked to, might ask their Owner to change it, because they want to be more "unique". But not this girl! My slave name is unique to me because of why Master gave it to me, not to mention the fact that it was given to me by Him and He doesn't call anyone else that.

I have explained on the TSR boards that Master and I follow the Medicine Path. Among the spirits that guide me, there is Tiger. Tiger symbolizes and is strong in the following: Passion, Power, Devotion & Sensuality. All of which is very strong and apparent in me. Master has told me that I am a radiate sensuality and anyone who knows me knows I am a very passionate person. Power? It takes strength to submit so completely. Devotion? There is no one more devoted, more loyal to Master then I am (that walks on two legs anyhow).

Now, because of my frame and build (I am 5ft1 and petite) the name Tiger or Tigress just seemed out of place. So Master named me kitten. I am extremely proud of that name, common or not among slaves. There is a deep and meaningful reason why Master has named me this and it never fails to make me smile when I hear that word on His lips.

Layouts

2007-04-25T00:41:00.000-05:00

I have been browsing the web looking for different layouts for blogs. I love this one, but it seems the coding demon has struck me. *sighs* Knowing me, I will probably end up sticking with this or at the very most, updating the graphics.

I seriously need other websites to work on so I will leave well enough alone.

Anyone want a website?

Job Interview Part 3

2007-04-24T15:32:00.000-05:00

Well, I just got home from the 2nd interview for the job I had applied for. I met with both managers today, and they told me that it is down to me and 3 other applicants. (If I was allowed to pull my hair out, I think I would right now!) I was very polite, and did my best so here is hoping! They told me they would let me know in a couple of days.

I am hoping that it is like the last time I had an interview there and they called me the very next day. This sounds like it would be such a good job! They asked for my personal references so I hope that is a good sign. I'm nervous. Then again I usually am when it comes to job hunting, or a new class at school. But once I get into the flow of it I'm fine. You'd never know I had a doubt in my mind. I'm odd that way I suppose.

Well, wish me luck! Here's hoping! *crosses front paws*

Mondays Suck

2007-04-23T20:07:00.000-05:00

Master was supposed to have a job interview this morning but because we could not find the directions to this place online, He called the company to ask for more specific directions. While He had them on the phone He also asked a few questions pertaining to the job and found out that His paycheck would only be based on commission, no hourly wages. Well needless to say we can not live off of just a commission check, so He explained that and informed them that He would not be there for the job interview. *sighs*

Hopefully my job interview tomorrow will go smoothly and they will offer me the job.

It's The Little Things

2007-04-22T23:26:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Master and I had a miscommunication. He grew upset with me and I became extremely docile. We were in the car and usually He tells me to light a cigarette for Him when we are in the car and He wants one. But this time, because He was not happy with me at this point, He instead went through the trouble of digging his cigarettes out of his pants pocket, along with his lighter, and lit one Himself. For me that was like a miniature punishment. I'm not sure if that makes any sense what so ever, but it really was.

It's the little things that are sometimes the worst for me. For instance, if He is not happy with me for what ever reason and He goes to light His own cigarette when we are in the car, or if He gets up and gets His own soda, or if He puts His lotion on His tattoos Himself instead of having me do it, it pains me. I know that it is to teach me a lesson and to let me know that He is upset with me. And yes it does make me strive harder to please Him. But to me it is amazing how much the little things that we do every day, can effect me when they are not done the way they usually are.

I am actually a pretty spontaneous person, but with those kind of routines, I take great joy in them, even if I don't think about it at the time. However, when I am not allowed to do them I notice it... and fast!

Not sure if this really has a point, just thought I would post about it.

Job Interview Part 2

2007-04-20T19:57:00.000-05:00

Today I got a phone call back from the place I had the job interview at. They wanted to schedule a 2nd interview. So I have one scheduled for Tuesday at 1:30 p.m.! I am so excited! I am trying to be really optimistic about this job since I just had the first interview yesterday and they are already calling me back for the 2nd interview. Master has been very optimistic about this one as well. And also extremely encouraging and supportive. Sometimes when I get nervous I tend to ramble on and on and on and He has just smiled and been affectionate and told me not to worry, that they would be a fool not to hire me. Right before my 1st interview He told me how beautiful I looked and wished me luck, and followed that up by, "Not that you are going to need it."

He has always had a lot of faith in me. And I truly appreciate that, since it is not something I am used to out of anyone besides my parents and grandparents. And I have the same amount of faith in Him.

So now, for this weekend I am going to be okay, but come Tuesday I am going to have butterflies in my stomach and probably start my rambling/worrying again.

Also, Master has a job interview on Monday! Yay! I am excited for Him and I know He will do very well at the interview. He has asked me to come along with Him, and I told Him "Of course!". I will just bring a book to read while I wait in the car. I plan on starting to reread the Firebringer series ("Birth of the Firebringer", "Dark Moon", "The Son of Summer Stars" by Merideth Ann Pierce). Master introduced me to these books and I love them!

Job Interview & Nicotine

2007-04-19T21:16:00.000-05:00

I had a job interview today. I used Yahoo Maps to help me figure out where I was going. I still don't know all of Milwaukee that well. I just moved up here about two years ago. Basically, what happened was Yahoo Maps told me to stay on I-894 when I should have taken the Beloit exit. So I ended up about a half hour out of my way. Thankfully, the place I was going to for the job interview was extremely understanding of this and told me not to worry about it. They gave me really good directions and I was only 20 minutes late to the interview.

The interview went very well. They seem really interested in hiring me. Let's hope that they do! The supervisor told me to call her on Monday, in the afternoon, to check on the progress and see if they wanted to schedule a 2nd interview.

I also have another company that is interested in having an interview with me. So at least if this one doesn't work out (which I honestly hope it does) I have other options.

I asked my Master if I could quit smoking and He say I could. But about 5 hours after my last cig I had a nic fit which triggered a bad panic attack. It wasn't the worst panic attack I've ever had but it wasn't the mildest either. So I talked to Master about it and He told me the best course of action would be to slowly but surely wean myself off of cigs. So I am going to cut back, then cut way back, and then quit. He is being very supportive of this decision. And told me that just because I can't just quit "cold turkey" that it makes me weak or anything. I just need to take it slowly. Kind of like weaning yourself off of medication so your body doesn't have a bad reaction from suddenly being without something it has grown used to.

Gor

2007-04-14T16:10:00.000-05:00

There has been talk about Gor and Goreans on TSR recently. I have read quite a few Gor books and I honestly do enjoy reading them. I find it to be an interesting Sci-Fi/Fantasy series to read. But the keywords here are "Sci-Fi/Fantasy". I do admit that some "ideas" in the Gor books are interesting. For instance, the slave dances that they describe in the books sound beautiful! And I do enjoy dancing for my Master. In fact I did last night and both of us greatly enjoyed it. And some of the "positions" that they describe in the book, as far as kneeling positions, ways to enter the room, etc sound very beautiful as well. And truthfully, Master does have me use some of those.

But one thing that really irritates me is the people who think that Gor is 1) Real and 2) Being "Gorean" (which isn't even possible) is the only true way to be. Lets see here, it is a book series, that reads like a story that portrays itself as real. For instance they mention their own books in the series, "I have heard of Gor. The Tarl sage, but surely that can't be real!" (Or something along those lines, I don't feel like digging up a book to do a direct quote at the moment.

But the people who have basically taken it on as an actual lifestyle (which honestly, would be illegal in the United States) is laughable. I am my Master's property, no one else's. And if a "Master" tried walking up to me, declaring themselves Gorean and then proceeded to bark orders at me, would be laughed at and told "Does it look like I'm wearing your collar?" For one thing, my Master is the one who has gone through the time and emotional investment in training me and Owning me. No one else. Secondly, they did not get permission from my Master to give me an order, which is there for disrespecting Him and not acknowledging the fact that I am His property.

So just to lay somethings out that I have been dying to say to someone who calls themselves a Gorean, but have always bit my tongue on.

You are not an alien. You are not from another planet.
Giant insect looking beings that are called Priest Kings are not going to kill you if you use a cell phone (oooOoo technology... evil! Damn you for using a computer to read this! Or to read a Gorean website (how ironic is that by the way?))
You are not an agent of the Kur or as they are sometimes called in the book series "The Others".
You are not from Ar, you are not from Port Kar, and you sure in the hell are not an Ubar or a slaver.
Just because something is written down does not make it true. (By the way, the sky is actually neon purple.)
Just because you are a male does not make you worthy of the title "Master"
Please.. Please attempt to just walk up to a woman and enslave her and then declare it your legal right. The men in white coats will enjoy putting you in the hug me jacket and the pretty colored pills probably taste really good. (Don't forget to tell them that they will feel the Priest King's wrath for attempting to put you away.)
Just because I am a slave does not mean I am worthless or replaceable.
Not all "free men" are my Masters. I only have One, my Husband.
It is called coffee, not black wine.
I am not going to jump or kneel just because you are in my presence or snap your fingers.
Yes, I am a slave. A real living, breathing slave, but that does not mean you can offer my Master money to buy me. No, not even for a night. (Yes this has happened.)
I will show everyone respect, slaves and subs included, until you give me a reason not to. Barking an order at me because I am a slave, will cause you to lose that respect, unless you have express permission from my Master to do so.
You have a career or a job ... not a "caste".
You do not have the right to punish me, that is my Master's department.

100 Things About Me

2007-04-13T00:24:00.000-05:00

I have seen other blogs that have a list of "100 things about me" so I thought I would sit down and see if I could actually do one, and see how long it took me. These are in no particular order. Let's see. It is now 12:26 A.M. (Starts the clock)

I am Master's slave.
I am a newlywed.
I am a very blunt person.
I am 24 years old.
My favorite color is red.
I hope to one day run my own web design company.
I would love to visit Italy one day.
I would like to run an animal shelter.
I sometimes over analyze things.
I can not stand the feel of sandpaper.
I am a college student.
I want an Alien Ware computer - just to say I have one.
I am bisexual.
I like playing video games.
I drink to much soda.
My three favorite animals are wolves, foxes and tigers.
I am a very sentimental person.
I am a romantic but not in the traditional way.
I am bad at math.
The Hellraiser series is my favorite movie series - ever.
I can not stand "chick flicks".
My favorite author is Clive Barker.
I am a very affectionate person.
I love making people laugh.
I am addicted to my Master/Husband.
I am addicted to tattoos.
I write stories and poems that only my Master has read.
I love to dance.
I love the smell and feel of leather.
I got my first pair of heels when I was 20.
I am not allowed to cut my hair.
I am a night owl.
I do not like small spaces.
I used to hate having my picture taken - now I love it.
I can lose myself in coding websites sometimes.
I do not let stranger's opinions affect me.
I am an exhibitionist.
Water has a very soothing effect on me, mentally and spiritually.
I hate political debates.
I am not a morning person.
I can be a real bitch sometimes.
I have a real soft spot for animals who need homes.
I smoke Camel Wides.
I am a masochist.
I love the way Master smells.
I hate people who wear to much makeup, cologne, and/or hairspray.
I love my car.
I have a sick sense of humor.
I like wearing black.
I am not a goth.
I love baking.
I am not a good cook.
I don't drink very much (as in alcohol).
I have lived in Wisconsin all my life (so far).
I believe that fate only takes you so far - the rest is up to you.
I like to quote movie lines.
My favorite comedian is Robin Williams.
I love heavy metal and hard rock.
I am a mutt (German, Blackfeet, Polish, Danish, and many other things).
One of my favorite sayings is "When you dance with the Devil, wait until the songs over." even though I am not Christian.
I sometimes miss my body piercings although I don't think I will ever get them done again.
I am running out of room for new tattoos. (I have 10 tattoos.)
I am fiercely protective of the ones I love.
I love gory movies.
I enjoy having debates about almost anything, as long as no one is trying to force me to change my mind on something I believe deeply in.
I love going on road trips.
I love to swim.
I can be very clumsy sometimes.
I have a very high sex drive.
I have an oral fixation.
I like being bitten by my Master.
My slave space is very comforting to me.
Medical play and electric play scares me.
I was born under Wolf according to the medicine wheel.
I enjoy reading comic books/graphic novels.
I have five different e-mail addresses.
My favorite book is "Sacrament" by Clive Barker.
I love going to rock concerts.
I want to learn how to ride a motorcycle.
I hate diamonds.
My favorite stone is the blood stone.
I enjoy just going for a drive with my Master, with no real destination.
I am sick of living in apartments.
Scars are sexy to me.
I think swords and knives are beautiful.
I love getting "pets" from Master.
Master's voice is very calming to me.
I would one day like to go sky diving.
I think people who live in America (not counting tourists) should have to learn English. (Since if I moved to any other country that did not have English as their primary language, I would have to learn their's.)
I curl up with the teddy bear Master won for me at a carnival when I am not feeling well.
I like watching Court TV shows.
I play Neopets even though I am 24.
I hate earwigs.
I was home schooled for my entire four years of high school.
I refuse to eat fish or any kind of seafood.
I am not afraid to ask questions when I do not understand something, and I am not embarrassed by it either.
I am obsessed with the correct spelling of words and use spell check constantly.
I do not believe "Jason" is worthy of being a Horror icon.
I hate the color pink.
The meanings of colors fascinate me and I do believe they hold an influence.

Well that only took until 1:29 A.M. to type up and think out. *phew* I wonder if anyone is actually going to sit here and read through all of this....

April Showers Turns Into April Snow

2007-04-11T16:25:00.000-05:00

Ugh! It is still the "beginning" of April and I'm sure most people have heard the phrase "April Showers Bring May Flowers". Well, hopefully the flowers won't whiter and die under the snow that we are getting today. As I am typing this the snow is just now starting to subside. When I got up this morning it was coming down pretty hard. Master has not been feeling well the past couple of days, and today is no better, in fact it seems to be a little bit worse. So, knowing that even though He is not feeling well, He still needs something to eat, I left around 2:30pm to get food, and to return some movie rentals.

The parking lot of the apartment complex wasn't plowed. (Wow, I'm glad W/we pay rent on time! No really I am...) I cleaned off my car and thankfully, even though it is a somewhat light weight car (PT Cruiser) it got through the parking lot with little to no problems. The roads weren't plowed and of course the sidewalks weren't salted. Fun. On the way to the gas station (because it would figure that I needed gas in the car), my car ended up sideways in the middle of the road, because of the snow/sleet/slush. I got that figured out and got gas, ran in and got some things, and then drove at a top of 25mph to the video rental store. Since I figured W/we wouldn't be going anywhere today and W/we tend to get a little cabin feverish when W/we know its not a good idea to leave the apartment (even if W/we hadn't planned on it anyways), I rented more movies. I drove home, and when I got back Master had gone back to bed. I put the stuff away and decided to do a little bit of homework, read the slave boards and now I'm posting here. It's currently 4:33pm and already this is shaping up to be one hell of a day.

I'm not sure if there is really a point to this post or not, I think I'm just rambling but sometimes that is okay. It wasn't really that I had to drive in this crappy weather, it is the fact that even though people have lived in Wisconsin their whole lives, or at least in an area that has snow, the minute there is white stuff on the ground, people forget how to drive! How is this?! I'm "only" 24, I've been driving since I was 16, and I know how to drive in snow! If it means only going 25mph to make sure I am in control of the car (as much as possible) then so be it. But no. Not some people. In the short drive it took me from the apartment, to the gas station, to the video store and back, I saw four people end up in accidents, three people speed around me doing about 45mph, and one snow plow that not only didn't have the plow down, but wasn't spreading any salt. If I was allowed to hit my head against a wall (which I'm not) in frustration at people's stupidity, I would.

I know that 25mph seems like a painfully slow pace, and trust me it is. I can't stand driving that slow. But, the speed limit in the area is only 30mph to begin with, and secondly when there is so much slush and snow on the roads, that even though I'm only doing 25mph my car is still sliding, where is the wisdom in doing 45mph?

Okay, rant done.

I hope that my Master feels better when He wakes up. I hate it when He is not feeling well and there isn't anything I can do to help. Why aren't slaves born with a natural and magical healing capability?

Lost Revisited

2007-04-11T00:05:00.000-05:00

Master and I talked about this more after I posted. He has told me that whenever I am feeling lost, even if I know He is stressed out, or if He isn't in the best of moods, to kneel before Him and say "Master, please instruct kitten."
He said if I do this, it will 1) let Him know that I am feeling lost and 2) He will give me something to do, even if it is just to kneel or "pose" a certain way for a determined amount of time.

Master is very kind for this. I am glad that He is not like some Owners who would just say, "To bad. Deal with it." And yes, there are Owners out there, and some slaves enjoy that. But kitten can be emotionally sensitive and might view that outlook as Him not caring how His property is feeling.

I am so glad that Master and I talk as much as W/we do. No matter how busy or stressful life gets, every night, before bed W/we will sit in bed, and talk. Four years later, and W/we still make time to just sit down and talk. Which is more then I can say for some of O/our friends and their relationships.

A Little Lost Sometimes

2007-04-09T01:39:00.000-05:00

Master has been under stress lately. And He hasn't been feeling "as Dominant". By this I do not mean that He has relinquished any of His control over me, but rather He hasn't been very verbally or physically Dominant towards me lately. And sometimes, when this occurs for longer then say.. oh a day or two, I start to feel a little lost and not as centered. It is not that I can not function on my own. I know I can. And Master knows this as well. It is just that since I have become His slave and felt His control and His guidance it has become what I can only call an addiction. It is not what I would term a need, because I do not need it to survive in this world. I am addicted to my Master.

Please do not read into this and think that I am blind to this addiction or that I would "allow" something bad to happen to me to feed this addiction. That will not, and can not happen. First rule "kitten's physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well being comes FIRST."

I try not to ask my Master for Him to be more Dominant towards me when He is really stressed, because that will only add more stress. So what I have started to do when I feel lost or start to feel like I am going through a "withdrawal" so to speak, is meditate. Ah, that beautiful word. Meditation. And sometimes during my meditation I will talk with what I like to call "Master's presence". Some other slaves may call it the "Inner Dom" or the "Dom inside my head". This helps me get a "fix" as well as center myself. The breathing techniques Master taught me for dealing with pain also helps. Those also center me. (I have Fibromyalgia. More information on this particular condition HERE.)

Master confronted me today because I have been acting different for the past week and I explained that part of it is because of the stress I am having at school at the moment. (It is post mid-term now and crunch time.) I also explained that the other part is because I have been a little lost because He has not been as Dominant. He said He understands that and told me that next time I am feeling a little lost to just tell Him, so He knows what is going on when it occurring and He can help me through it. I was wrong in not telling Him when it was occurring. He is not a mind reader, just as I am not. He has forgiven me for this as W/we have both been under a lot of stress lately. He knows I was not trying to add to His stress, but I also know that if He is stressed or not He wants to and needs to know what is going on with His property. He loves me. He is my Master, my Mate, my Husband and my best friend.

Thank You Master for being so understanding and patient with me. I love You.

Smart Assed Mascochist

2007-04-08T16:06:00.000-05:00

I found some of these on a website located HERE. I think they are hilarious although I would never, ever do them because I enjoy breathing.

Stick an Alka-Seltzer tablet in your mouth at the beginning of a scene. Work up some saliva to get it fizzy, then call out your safeword. (My personal favorite!)
During a scene, do a Howard Cosell impression and provide a play-by-play account of what is being done to you.
If your dom/me decides to do a verbal humiliation scene with you in public, stick your fingers in your ears and say 'Neener, neener, neener, I can't hear you!'
Place a whoopee cushion on your dom/me's favorite chair.
Have a wig made up matching your hair color and style perfectly. It'll be worth the expense to see the look on your dom/me's face the next time your hair gets tugged and it comes off..
When your top hints at foot worship, hand him/her a package of OdorEaters.
Only speak in movie quotes. (Okay, sometimes I do actually do this one.. but so does Master.)
Starch the floggers.
Attach clappers to all the outlets in the dungeon just before a paddling. (Clap on, clap off...

These are only some of them. The rest can be found at the link I posted above.

Slave Musings

2007-04-05T23:56:00.000-05:00

I was sitting here today just letting my mind wander, after finishing up some of my homework that I am still catching up on from the time I missed while W/we were one O/our honeymoon. (Some teachers just assign way to much homework, plus W/we got married right after mid-terms.)

Anyways, I was sitting here wondering what it would be like to be openly submissive to my Husband in public (and not get arrested that is). No one bats an eyelash if a couple holds hands or the one puts their arm around their significant other. And all those things are well and good, I enjoy being affectionate with Master when W/we are in public, but sometimes I wish there could be more. I always walk behind Master, to His left, a few paces behind. (Unless He is not happy with me, in which case I am to be on the right.) But really that is the only physical display of submission that W/we can get away with. For instance, if Master were to lead me around on a leash, I have a feeling W/we'd be asked to leave certain places. And sometimes I so want to be led around by the leash He holds. Master has commented on how He would have me naked (minus my collar) on all fours and on His leash in public if He could get away with it, and the very thought of it makes my heart leap (among other various parts of my anatomy). But even if I were to so much as kneel at His feet when W/we are standing around, it would raise more then a few questions and also draw negative attention. Of course this does not apply to BDSM clubs, or the like, but unfortunately W/we do not have any near by.

It is not that I want to "show off" or anything, I just wish to be true to who W/we are and not have to hide the fact. Doing that around certain friends and family is uncomfortable even. But not everyone is accepting. Not everyone is "tolerant". And in this day and age, that is a sad and sorry thing. Now nudity, okay fine I get that. But if I am fully clothed, and kneeling at His feet, what exactly is illegal about that activity? Nothing. Being led around by a leash? Nothing yet again. I have hidden enough about myself in the past, that it irks me sometimes when I have to do it now. Master has liberated me. He allows me to be myself and He loves me for it, every single thing about me, He loves. And the same is true the other way around. I have had to hide that I am bi-sexual. I have had to hide that I am not Christian. Hell there are still some people that do not know either, and when they bring up the subject they are pretty demeaning about it and it makes me want to fade into the background. Then they ask me what is wrong and I have to say "Nothing at all." But there is no getting around it. It is family. And since they are family, I just don't go down those roads with them. It is not that I feel everyone has to know such things about me, it would just be nice to finally look at them and go, "Ya know, I'm that. So could you please stop saying things like that? Please?" But I'm rambling....

Sometimes, in my more goofy moods I think about talking to Master about somehow becoming rich and buying an island where Owners and slaves can move to. Think a very large gated community. Where such things could happen. But then there are some problems with this idea. One, W/we aren't rich. Two, Master does not like large bodies of water because in the water, He is no longer the top of the food chain and He can't out swim a shark. (And as far as natural predators go, say the big cats of the world, W/we live in Milwaukee. If there is a lion or a tiger or a cougar loose, it is because one broke out of the zoo.) Maybe W/we could buy a state instead.

Submission After Marraige - Revisited

2007-04-04T21:06:00.000-05:00

Master and I talked about this last night, after a bit of relaxation. We often finish up the day by just sitting in bed, watching porn or a movie, and talking. It is truly a wonderful way to finish up a long and stress filled day, or even a relaxing one. Any how, He told me that He has also been feeling more Dominant since O/our wedding. We are hard pressed to figure out though if it is indeed because of the wedding, or if it is one of O/our natural steps.

By natural steps I mean only this: Since W/we have become Master and slave, it seems both His Dominance and my submisson have taken "natural" and very sudden leaps. Sometimes it is one of U/us, and the O/other will have a leap "triggered" by it. Sometimes it is both of U/us at the same time. So it could just be timing. Then again there have been other things that have happened that have "triggered" such a leap in both of U/us. Such as Him collaring me.

I told Master that I feel as if I am wearing two collars now, the one around my neck that He put on me the week of my birthday (3 weeks before the wedding) and my wedding ring. I then told Him that His wedding ring is like an invisible leash attachment. He just smiled and shook my head with His hand affectionately.

My own personal theory this time around is that the wedding triggered a leap in both of U/us, much like the collaring(s) have. (As I stated before, He has collared me technically only once, but W/we have had three collars all together.)

Also, for clarification, by a natural leap in Dominance or submission I mean that as W/we go closer and closer together, and O/our love becomes deeper, O/our Dominance and submission grow with U/us and becomes deeper and more keenly felt.

New Layout

2007-04-04T00:07:00.000-05:00

I couldn't stand having a pre-made layout any longer. I was doing homework and working with PHP (which is a pain in the tail by the way, at times) and all of a sudden I was in a coding mood. These moods strike me from time to time and all of a sudden I'm lost in the lines of code and typing while not looking at the keyboard. In fact when I am typing and looking over my should at Master, it kind of creeps Him out. Its like my fingers go into a trance. Odd isn't it? But I suppose that others who are in the Web Development business do much the same thing. I can't wait to start a career in this. I really can't. I hope to one day have my own web design business. I already have a name for it, as well as a slogan! (How nerdy does that sound?)

I know that the layout is rather simplistic, but sometimes the more simple something is, the more appealing to the eye it becomes. Plus, it makes me smile knowing that I created it, and coded it. (Again, nerdy.) But at least it is mine.

Submission After Marriage

2007-04-02T17:01:00.000-05:00

Master and I have been married for a little over a week now, and this may be because it is still the rush from the wedding and the honeymoon, but for some reason it feels like since W/we've become "legal" my submission to Him has deepened, dramatically. It has nothing really to do with religion. W/we are not Christian so there is no "A wife should be submissive to her Husband". But even after four years of being with Him, and most of it being collared to Him, I have found that I have been more docile and more needful then before W/we were married, and that, for me, is hard to imagine. I have always been very docile towards Him, as well as very needful of His touch and His attention. (Although not clingy, thank the Gods.)

But now it is like I want to please Him more and more. To touch Him more, for Him to touch me more. My hungers have been turned up a notch or too since last week. Like I said it may just be the "honeymoon period" but I don't honestly think it is. Then again the hungers He has woken in me have been a bliss and yet painful at times, ever since He first unlocked them. Painful in the sense that sometimes other things (such as illness, stress, day to day stuff, etc.) do not allow immediate fulfillment of them, and other times because Master wants to let me simmer.

I think part of the reason my submission is growing deeper and more intense is because I keep telling myself, "I want to be a good slave. I want to be a good wife." And since both of those "titles" intermingle with one another perfectly in O/our relationship (just as Master and Husband does), it intensifies my focus on such things, there for making me feel them more deeply, more fully. Perhaps I have found myself a new mantra whenever I feel myself getting stressed out or aggravated with anything.

Name Change Part 2

2007-03-31T14:10:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, after getting some running around done with Master, I went to the bank and finally got my name change submitted there. They told me my new checks and my new check card would be here in about two weeks. Until then, they told me to just cross out my old last name and write in my new one. I'm hoping that it won't take the full two weeks for my checks to get here. The prices of checks have gone up since the last time I ordered any.

Also, I finally got my tail to the Social Security office. They said it will be about three weeks to get my new card. What shocked me is that the S.S. office didn't take as long as the DMV did. I thought that it would take a lot longer. I'm thankful it didn't, since I had just gotten out of class and was ready to just go home and relax.

Now all that's left is to do my life insurance, my title and registration for my car and I'll be done. *sigh* Ah well, all worth it.

Punishment for a Masochist

2007-03-29T20:21:00.000-05:00

I have heard slaves say that they love being punished. When I have asked them why they enjoy displeasing their Master or Mistress they simply tell me it is because they enjoy the pain. And I think to myself, "Well that's not really a punishment at all then is it? Its more like giving in so a slave will stop acting up."

I personally, am a masochist. And yes, my Master does use physical punishment with me. Maybe it is because of my state of mind, but the pain I receive from Him during a punishment is not pleasurable at all. It hurts, and in a very bad way. Now, the very next day my Master could do the same exact thing and the pain would feel "good" to me. Why? Because I know it is because He wishes to do so, not because I had disappointed Him. That is what makes a world of difference to me, whether or not He is happy with me. If I have disappointed Him and physical punishment is what He decides on, it is like my brain finds a little light switch in the back of my head and goes "click.... Okay this isn't going to feel good at all." And it gets switched back once I have been forgiven for my disobedience or "screw up".

He does use other forms of punishment with me though. Sometimes He takes my cigarettes away, or I can't have an orgasm for "x" amount of time, or I have to sleep on the floor for "x" amount of nights. There are of course other punishments that He uses. He is a very creative Man.

But back to my original point, if a slave wants to receive pain, why not beg for it rather then acting out? Wouldn't that be more productive? Or perhaps, some Dominants actually enjoy a slave that will act out. I don't know. I do know however, that it would irritate the hell out of my Master if I chose such tactics. But every relationship, whether a D/s, M/s or other, is different.

There have been times where I have begged for a spanking or for Him to use the flogger on me. And sometimes, if He is in the mood to do so and has the time, He will grant me my request. Other times He likes to watch me simmer and wait until a day or so later. Evil of Him, but always worth the wait.

Name Change

2007-03-29T01:05:00.000-05:00

Well, after a full week of being married, finally I am getting around to getting the rest of my name change documents done. We had been on honeymoon until Sunday night, so first thing Monday morning I went down to the court house and got a few copies of our marriage certificate. Then I went to the Department of Motor Vehicles and got my driver's license changed. That took about two hours. I swear that the Department of Motor Vehicles moves more slowly then any other government based job. It may sound really goofy, but I was very excited once I finally had my new license with my new last name. As I type this, it sounds somewhat childish but I really was excited. In fact the first thing I did when I got home was show it off to my Master. He just smiled at me, read my name in full and kissed me on top of my head as I knelt at His feet.

The next morning I had a class at my college, so I stopped by Student Services and changed my name there. I went to my Math class (which I swear literally sucks some of my life essence away each time I go). After class I realized that I would probably need a new student ID. Sure enough, yes I did. Why they didn't remind me of that while I was up there I have no idea. Perhaps I was keeping them from their coffee. I wasn't as excited about that as I was my driver's license but still a smile crept across my face.

Now all that's left to do is to go down to Social Security, the bank, and switch over my car registration. Fun, fun, fun. Actually, the process is the only thing I really hate, because of all the hurry up and wait. But the end result always makes me smile. I have been waiting to share Master's last name for about two years. So I always smile when I see it in print. In fact Master likes to pick on me because I still haven't accidentally signed my name with my maiden name. I always get it right. (Probably because I practiced for about a month in advance to the wedding. *sigh* There is no hope for me.)

A Joke I wanted to Share

2007-03-28T18:27:00.000-05:00

Things Never To Do or Say To a Master or Mistress

1) Strap a pillow to your back, hunch over, and shuffle your feet while saying, "Yes Master/Mistress.." in a slow lispy drawl, after being given an order.

2) Walk up to your Master/Mistress and grasp their forehead while saying, "May you be healed!" or "Demons be gone!" after you have been reprimanded or punished.

3) Salute your Master/Mistress and say, "Hail Hitler" and then goosestep away.

4) Dramatically bow over and over again to your Master/Mistress while saying "I'm not worthy" in a bad (or even a good) impression of Wayne's World or Wayne's World 2.

5) Respond to a verbal punishment or repremand by saying, "Hail Satan!"

6) Form your fingers into a cross while saying, "The power of Christ compells you!" over and over again when your Master/Mistress comes at you with a belt, or flogger, or paddle.

7) Lower your head and then when you are allowed to lift your head back up, have your tongue sticking out, your eyes crossed, and just a little bit of drool hanging from the side of your mouth.

8) If you are required to talk in third person, never call yourself Tarzan or Jane. (Unless of course those happen to be the names your Master or Mistress has given you...)

9)If you have been made to wear a gag or bit for an extended period of time, never let the first words you say be, "I am the walrus, coo coo ca choo."

10) When told to dance for your Master or Mistress, never start doing "I'm a little tea pot" or "YMCA".

First Pawprint

2007-03-27T23:21:00.000-05:00

Greetings and welcome to my first blog posting. Normally I am required to post in the "third person", such as I do on TSR. However, for the purposes of this blog, Master felt it would be better if I used "proper" English and "normal" speech patterns. (Although I will still be capitalizing any reference to my Master, simply out of the deep respect I have for Him.) This is going to be a place for me to post whatever may be going on in my head, such as ideas, feelings, etc. I hope that this place will not only give anyone an insight into what it is to be me, but also perhaps educate some on the lifestyle that Master and I have chosen. Master has given me the name "kitten" for several reasons. One, it pleases Him to call me that. Two, we follow the Medicine Path and one of my totems is Tiger. Since I am small and petite Master felt that kitten would be a better name for me, rather then say "tigress".

I have been with my Master for four years now. He collared me with my training collar about a month into the relationship. That collar was retired about a year and a half into the relationship, when He collared me with what we both thought was to be my last collar. But eventually, right before our wedding, He collared me with an Eternity Collar, which is a stainless steel locking collar. This was a symbol, much like a wedding ring, that He was never going to let me go. At that point, I already knew that in my heart, I'd known since He first collared me, but symbols are very powerful things. We got married on March 21st of 2007, which was our four year anniversary. The ceremony was simple and quick, yet oddly fitting for us. The reception was a blast and everyone had a great time. The skies celebrated our union with a very beautiful thunderstorm, a gift that we were both quite thankful for. We honeymooned at Sybaris. If you haven't ever been to one, and live close by, I highly recommend them. The staff is extremely helpful as well as polite. The rooms are amazing, simply awe inspiring. Being in the suite was like being in a time capsule. A universe all to ourselves. We lost track of time easily, but that was a welcomed sensation. That's all I can really think of for now. I'll post again soon. Again, welcome.