Things Never To Do or Say To a Master or Mistress

1) Strap a pillow to your back, hunch over, and shuffle your feet while saying, "Yes Master/Mistress.." in a slow lispy drawl, after being given an order.

2) Walk up to your Master/Mistress and grasp their forehead while saying, "May you be healed!" or "Demons be gone!" after you have been reprimanded or punished.

3) Salute your Master/Mistress and say, "Hail Hitler" and then goosestep away.

4) Dramatically bow over and over again to your Master/Mistress while saying "I'm not worthy" in a bad (or even a good) impression of Wayne's World or Wayne's World 2.

5) Respond to a verbal punishment or repremand by saying, "Hail Satan!"

6) Form your fingers into a cross while saying, "The power of Christ compells you!" over and over again when your Master/Mistress comes at you with a belt, or flogger, or paddle.

7) Lower your head and then when you are allowed to lift your head back up, have your tongue sticking out, your eyes crossed, and just a little bit of drool hanging from the side of your mouth.

8) If you are required to talk in third person, never call yourself Tarzan or Jane. (Unless of course those happen to be the names your Master or Mistress has given you...)

9)If you have been made to wear a gag or bit for an extended period of time, never let the first words you say be, "I am the walrus, coo coo ca choo."

10) When told to dance for your Master or Mistress, never start doing "I'm a little tea pot" or "YMCA".

Labels: Jokes

kitten left her pawprint at 6:27 PM - 1 comments.